Front Page News?
Seriously?


Well, hockey made the front page of the newspaper this week. Albeit a Canadian newspaper, and "newspaper" might be a generous description of a paper that is apparently a tad more "tabloid" than newspaper. As much as it pains me to agree with Don Cherry, I basically do.

That being said, however, I find it ironic that the weekend I was composing the NHL's American Marketing Problem, the Staal brothers were busy proving true my maxim that "When hockey players get in trouble, alcohol is usually involved." An aside for a personal caveat: I'm American, but I self-identify as one of the abnormal freaks who actually didn't drink until I was 21. In spite of my own personal actions, my reaction was similar to that of many other fans: I giggled and laughed, at times hysterically, when I read the details of the arrests of the Staal brothers.

To add to Don Cherry's comments(and I can't believe I'm doing this, gag me if I ever do it again), Eric Staal called his fiancee from his bachelor party after the cops showed up the first time. Now, I'm a young woman, and let me tell you, fidelity is incredibly attractive. This was a bachelor party that got too loud, and allow me to repeat, Eric Staal called his fiancee while at his bachelor party. (Warning for the sarcasm-impaired: Snark forthcoming.) Wow, there's a bad seed for you, a definite, dangerous criminal element.

And as for the matter of alcohol, allow me to share a story that no doubt escaped the mention of local Pittsburgh sports broadcasts and certainly escaped the attention of the pages of any newspaper. A 19-year-old collegiate athlete received a citation for underage drinking. Said 19-year-old, from all accounts of those who know him, is a genuinely decent, nice Christian guy who even attends church some Sunday mornings. Does his underage drinking citation make him any less of a nice, decent guy who did what most 19-year-old collegiate athletes do and had the misfortune to get caught drinking at a party that got too loud? Would it be necessary to plaster his picture anywhere in the newspaper? Would anyone even view it as news that, oh wow, a 19-year-old college kid drank alcohol?

Granted, of course, this 19-year-old athlete in question is a collegiate athlete who knows he'll never play his sport professionally. He is not an important cog on a Division I team, a draft pick, and he's surely not a multimillion dollar salary cap hit a la the brothers Staal. Yet what too many people tend to forget is that, for however cheesy those "just like you and me" NHL commercials are, otherworldly talented kids are still just that. Kids. In addition to being kids, they're hockey players, and well, as previously noted, so long as hockey players never drink and drive and so long as too much partying never impairs on-ice performance, I could care less if hockey players, of whatever age, want to have a drink or three or seven. (I feel the same way about the general population, too.) Having a good time at a party is a part of life, and a normal part of life, and so long as it remains a normal part of life--really, who cares?

Well, the Toronto Sun obviously cares. And while Jordan Staal's arrest was at most a one-day story in the Pittsburgh news media, it was still a story. And that's why, if I'm Ray Shero, I do what I have to do to guard against underage drinking becoming a story during the regular season. The Sun's Joe Warmington justified the attention paid to the Staal arrests by claiming that it was the "dog days of summer for newspapers," and admittedly, during the offseason, this story serves its purpose by grabbing everyone's attention, regardless of whether you're like the majority of fans who laugh or a few who shake their heads in disgust. It's an attention grabber, but not a distraction from games nor a problem. If something like underage drinking breaks anywhere in the midst of the regular season or--ugh--the playoffs, do you know what kind of a huge distraction and problem you have on your hands?

Staal's silly slip-up aside, the Pens players, in the midst of enjoying an incredible regular season, also did what I don't begrudge any person from doing: They enjoyed social lives that in no way inhibited on-ice performance. (I don't feel like linking to examples of this, but suffice to say, they're available for the curious to find via google.) But the media attention this offseason, as well as the fact that the Pens arrived last season as a top-level team, makes me leery that people are gunning for those at the top--and not just on the ice, but off the ice. For as much razzing ammunition as Staal's teammates now have, perhaps just as importantly they have the reminder that we all know it never hurts to repeat: Be smart. Be careful. And hopefully, in whatever way necessary, without being overbearing or too freewheeling, the organization adopts policies that enforce that reminder.

With all that said, however, I would like newspapers and the media who played up the Staal arrest as something horrifically bad to go to the three major universities in Pittsburgh. And then, you know, publish the pictures of anyone who's ever been handed a citation for underage drinking. I have this sneaking suspicion that the pictures would fill the pages of a newspaper and would run through many newscasts. Just a hunch.

Moan as I might about the minor sensationalism locally, that can't be anything compared to mug shots on the front page of a Canadian newspaper. (Speaking of mug shots, I've seen worse-looking driver's license snapshots.) Here's to hoping Jordan Staal has the same nerves of steel off the ice that he did on the ice and shrugs off this incident while learning, of course, the kind of situation in which he should never again find himself.

Still, for summer conversational fodder, I wonder what was more awkward:
the conversations with the respective NHL organizations, the conversations with friends who apparently stayed too loud, or, worse yet, the conversation with parents who, like everybody else, would prefer not to see their children's mugshots in the papers.

And as for me, here's to hoping that this will be the last time this summer Grapes and I have to agree on anything. Seriously. Gag me.